Hello Struggling-Teens team! I am writing you today because I need your help in a very important matter. I longly hesitated before sharing my story on your website then I thought about it and I decided it was worth it if it gives me my daughter back. I am a mother of two twins Amélie and Claudine. Claudine is very shy and reserved, she doesn’t talk much and enjoys silence. She loves to read and writes a lot. Amélie on the other hand is very noisy and energetic. She is very athletic and active. She never stays in place, she has to move around and do something around the house or she’ll drive me crazy. We recently had new neighbors move in next to our house. They have a daughter, Emilie, that dresses very vulgarly. She is loud and disrespectful to her mother, she doesn’t follow any of the rules and I have seen her sneak out from her bedroom window multiple times to go join her boyfriend. I didn’t know this new family or their rules but one thing is sure, I didn’t want their daughter close to my twins.  But what I feared most finally happened, Emilie quickly became Claudine’s best friend. They started hanging out together and spending long afternoons at the “library”. It wasn’t scary at first but when Claudine came back home with a tattoo and a piercing one time I realized that things have gone too far. I didn’t recognize her anymore. She would swear and yell at me like she never did before. She was even caught shoplifting at the mall one time. This was not Claudine, this was not my daughter. I decided I had to talk to Emilie’s parents who apologized but said they were not able to control their daughter as well and that they were as lost as I was. I don’t know what to do anymore. I tried grounding Claudine but she doesn’t listen. She would sneak out to go to parties and skip school to hang out with Emilie. Sharing the same house as my own daughter became a living hell. I hope you’ll be able to help me. Thank you.

 

Hello Madam! Thank you for reaching out to us. We will certainly do our best to help you. Let us start by saying that Claudine’s behavior is normal for a teenager. When they’re young they’re very easy to influence. Maybe Claudine saw in Emilie the complete opposite of what she is. She was tired of always being the perfect daughter that she decided to turn rebellious and be someone else. She thinks that what she is doing is “cool” and will maybe make her more popular at school. However, grounding her and imposing your authority won’t help solve anything. Instead, try talking with her and show her that her transformation is doing her more harm than good. That she is losing who she is to fulfill Emilie’s expectations and that she is literally a “copycat”. Tell her that her originality and her uniqueness make her special and that right now she’s ruining that. If that doesn’t work, try to get Amélie to talk with her. As her twin sister she must have a strong relationship with her that will make her words matter more than yours. But more than anything, give her time and remember that Claudine is at an age where she is discovering herself and that she doesn’t know what kind of person she wants to be, yet. So instead of telling her that she’s being an awful person, give her tips to become a better one. We hope that our advice will help you with your issue and good luck!

The Struggling-Teens team.

I wouldn’t be writing you today if I wasn’t desperate. My name is Alex and I just started dating a guy that goes to my school. He’s the sweetest and nicest person I have ever met. He buys me presents and likes me for who I am which is quite rare. I am really happy when I am around him. I even think I’m in love. When I told my dad about him, he got really mad and forbid me from seeing him. I tried to understand his point of view but his behavior was unjustifiable. I asked him why he was against our relationship but he didn’t have an answer for it. He even got violent once and hit me so hard I had to go to the hospital. He apologized after that but he still didn’t let me see my boyfriend. When I realized that he didn’t want my happiness I decided to leave the house. I gathered some stuff and left when no one was home leaving a note saying I was safe. It’s been two days now and I don’t know what to do. I respect my dad but not his decision. He refuses communication and only cares about himself. I need to know what to do. I am lost.

 

Hey there Alex! Your situation is, in fact, very complicated.  We understand why you’re writing us and we will, hopefully, be able to help you. Your dad, although he doesn’t provide a reason, doesn’t like your boyfriend because he has been watching you grow up and he feels like you’re ready to leave the parental nest and that is something he fears a lot.This guy you are dating is like a threat to him, or at least that’s what he sees him as. He doesn’t have your attention and your love anymore and preventing you from seeing him is the only solution he has. As for the part where he hits you, we think you should talk about it to a professional that will be able to help you more with a therapy. Communication is lacking in your relationship with your father and it is a huge problem. We advice you to go back home and have a real “talk” with your dad. Explain to him that just because you have a partner doesn’t mean that you will forget about him and that you will always be his daughter no matter what. Good luck with everything! Don’t hesitate to ask if you need more help! We hope everything goes well 🙂

The Struggling-Teens team. 

 

Hello, I have heard a lot of good things about your website and since you have already helped a friend of mine with her kid I thought I’d try it. My name is Elizabeth and I am writing you today about my son Harry. Harry goes to a private school in London. He has good grades, is very kind to his friends and is very helpful at home. His dad and I were very proud of him. However, since his father passed away, he became very distant, which I completely understand. He doesn’t talk anymore, barely eats and is always in his room looking at the ceiling like he was waiting for it to fall on his head. Whenever I try to talk to him, he shuts down and never lets me finish my sentence. I don’t know how to deal with this. I get that he was very close to his dad and that he misses him a lot but I don’t know what to do. I am lost. I tried to get him to see a psychiatrist but he doesn’t want. He recently has gotten into a fight with one of his closest friends and almost killed him. I lost control over him and I have no idea on how I should manage this. Help me get my son back. Please.

 

Hello Elizabeth, first let us say that we are very sorry for your loss. May your husband rest in peace. Harry’s behavior is completely understandable as you said. When we lose someone we were close to ,it is comprehensible to withdraw and lose all will to socialize and talk. We become lost and don’t know what to do with our selves. In your case, the best thing to do is give it some time. Don’t pressure your son to express his feelings or to talk to you. He is still under shock and is more disoriented than you are. He’s not being himself because he doesn’t know who  he is anymore. His dad was, maybe, his model and his friend and not having him around is making him question everything. The second thing you can do is talk. Talk to him whenever you can and don’t assume he doesn’t listen because he probably does. Even when he doesn’t let you finish don’t feel discouraged, keep talking. Always show him that you are there for him and that you’re here to encourage and support him. Another thing that can help is talking to him about his dad, how he wants him to be happy and keep living his life and not ruining it. Tell him about his childhood and his relationship with you. It sounds cheesy but it can work. Let him remember who he was and hopefully help him find out who he wants to be. We hope everything works out.

The Struggling-Teens team. 

 

Hello, I am writing today because I have no other choice. I have come to a point where I can’t handle being around my parents anymore. My name is Dakota and I am 15 years old. I  am really into chemistry and biology. I love being in labs and experimenting. Being around microscopes and chemical solutions and manipulating cells are my favorite thing to do in the entire world. I dream of becoming a chemist or a scientist one day. However, my parents are against that. My mom is an actress and my dad is a painter and they think that I should do an art school because I “have that in my genes”apparently. They don’t understand that I am not interested in doing art and that science is what I love learning. They think I am just hiding my talent and that if I believe in myself I can become an amazing artist. I tried to explain to them that that is not what I want to do with my life and that, as my parents, they should support me with my decision of being different from them but they don’t get it. They grounded me for two weeks and said they won’t let me apply to any school if it wasn’t an art school. I tried everything but they don’t want to hear me out. Please help me.

 

Hello Dakota! I am glad you decided to contact us and tell us about your problem. In fact your situation is very interesting and quite unordinary since parents are usually the ones dissuading their kids from being artists and pushing them in the science field. We will do our best to help anyway. To prove to your parents that you’re really not made for art you should invite them to come with you in a lab sometime. You should show them what you’re capable of in the field that you love and how happy you are when you’re practicing. When they’ll see your eyes shine when you’re in front of a microscope or the passion you have when learning about the human body they will understand. If not, try to explain to them that this is your future and not theirs and that it’s your life and what you want to make out of it. This is not about doing what they do but about doing what you love. Show them how biology is important to you and how good you are at practicing it. Once they see how honest you are they’ll get it. As artists they should be open to new ideas and different dreams. If nothing works, schedule an appointment with your counselor and let them convince your parents. Maybe they’ll listen to an adult. Good luck!

The Struggling-Teens team.